Posts Tagged ‘flowers’

All Grown Up

Almost every day is filled with something wonderful and something not so wonderful. 

Here are some of my wonderful moments so far today:  My granddaughter, Kloe, gave me a sweet soy-milky smile while wrapped in her daddy’s arms as I kissed her forehead goodbye this morning (I kissed my son’s forehead too.)  My husband brought home a beautiful pint of blackberries from his walk to the grocery store.  All day I have been thinking of delicious ways to enjoy them and was once again reminded how I love that we can walk to the grocery store.  At lunch today, I began reading a beloved book, A Way to Garden by Margaret Roach (more on that later).

Here are some not-so-wonderful moments.  While sitting in my truck at lunchtime, enjoying my beloved book, I noticed how old my arms are starting to look.  Scars on my hands and some new cuts from pruning dead wood from my roses add to the damage caused by growing up in the Florida sun.  It was a not-so-gentle reminder that I’m almost 50.  (I still have 3 years to go, but my husband likes to call it almost 50.  Thanks, dear.)  Then I glanced again at the cover of A Way to Garden and noticed my favorite part:  the author’s hands look like my hands did this past weekend, covered in dirt with dirt embedded in my nails.  It has taken me almost three days to finally get the last of the dirt out and it doesn’t even bother me!  (So did I categorize this correctly after all?) 

In my constant struggle with my weight and how I really want to live, I feel defeated that I give up on my attempts to eat gluten-free/vegan.  It is truly what I want to eat and be, but it is an effort when I am the only person in my household who embraces it.  I am encouraged to be that, but I am the only one to eat that way, so that means two different meals or variations of a meal.  I don’t have the energy for all the prep and the result is that I will not be presenting my best self to my long-awaited friend.  (I hear my husband telling me that I am too hard on myself.  Yes, I know and I know that only I can make it happen.) 

And finally, I have just learned that a dear colleague where I work has died.  He was sick for about a year.  His quality of life was not good, so does one feel sad or silently rejoice that he is now in peace and with the Lord? (Perhaps both?) When a friend said to me, “Why does this always have to happen to the good ones?”  I found myself saying, “We will all have our day.” 

When I hung up the phone I thought, wow, I feel like an adult….all grown up to know that I will not live forever on this earth.  I pray I will live forever elsewhere, as I pray this gentleman does as well.  I even feel comfortable expressing my wishes for my own end.  I want to be cremated with some of my ashes scattered at the Bass Harbor Head Light on the coast of Maine and the remaining planted in the ground with a new tree in someone that I love’s yard; be it my son’s or one (or more) of my grandchildren’s yard.  I am hoping that it will be a long time off and that all my grandchildren will be all grown up with yards of their own and can say “That’s Grandma’s tree.  She is planted there too.”  This may gross some people out and may greatly upset my mother, but I really don’t want to be buried in a cemetery taking up space where some trees and flowers could be growing instead.  And NO FUNERAL!!!  I want a party, if the living feel there must be something.  It is depressing enough that a loved one has passed, but to have everyone endure a week or more of preparation so everyone can stare at my casket and weep?  No thank you.  When a friend died a year or so ago, we all met up by the beach to honor her love of the beach.  It was lovely. I want that.  Eat, drink, and be merry.  Shed a tear if you feel you must, but be outside enjoying all of nature…the trees, the birds, the flowers, the water — all the things that I love.  Play my favorite music.  And just to save my mom from the phone call that I know will follow this post, No, Mom.  I am not sick.  I am fine, just all grown up.  I love you very much and will see you soon!

And so while we all speak of our friend’s death, we also prepare to welcome another colleague’s granddaughter who is in the process of being born right now.   It is a continuum. 

So bascially, in their own way, all the moments have wonderfulness in them.  Even those originally considered not so.  When one can have these thoughts, see the good and accept the not so good, but carry on nonetheless….that is pretty wonderful. 

“Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.”  …Unknown

“If growing up is the process of creating ideas and dreams about what life should be, then maturity is letting go again.”    …Mary Beth Danielson



Where my heart is today…

The only David Austen rose that ever grew for me. 

A little water, a little sunshine, and I’m good!

Sweet lavender.

Crazy climber…

My prettiest dill ever.  I think I’ll plant some more.

Happy endings.

A bird does not sing because it has an answer.  It sings because it has a song.  Chinese Proverb

“With the Mother”

                                   What do you think that could mean?  What is the “mother of vinegar” anyway?  I was introduced to this product as a acid-reducing remedy for my always acid-containing stomach.  It is an acquired taste, that is for sure.  I will say that it does work though….a shot or so in water a few times a day.  I keep mine in the frig as I find it easier to tolerate. (Just a little tidbit for you today…)  I have mothers on the brain today.  You know which one I mean….Mother Earth.  Although my own sweet mother is always very close in my thoughts also (I love you, Mom!). 

I am a very non-confrontational person.  Note the byline again….”woman in search of peace…”  I don’t fight back well.  I keep things to myself and let them fester (hence the acid-containing stomach).  I’m the “fixer” always trying to keep everyone happy.  I am neither overly conservative, nor overly liberal.  I even just officially changed my party affiliation to the hopefully gender-neutral “Independent.”  I have been a Democrat since becoming a registered voter as a senior in high school.  I come from a Kennedy-loving, Catholic, family of Democrats.  I will never forget my father’s tyraid on my older brother who so proudly announced that he signed up to be a Republican, thinking that was what “we” were.  He had to go back to school and change it the next day.

I digress…

With all that being said, I would be remiss if I did not share my thoughts about today being Earth Day.  If you really know me, you know I may have actually hugged a tree or two before.  It’s true.  There is a big tree in my back yard that has felt my embrace more than once.  I have a very large (extremely gigantic) ficus tree in my yard that I have been trying to save from my husband’s axe for about three years now.  Its roots travel the neighborhood.  I am worried that an errant limb will crash into our roof during a hurricane.  During berry season, it sends millions of berries to the ground that soon rot, smell, and attract millions of flies (that is when I am almost ready to get my own axe out).  However, right now, it is home to many birds building their nests, squirrels, and lizards; we’ve even had a hawk or two up there.  And even though I have my eye on three Zone 10 apple trees (who knew??) from Seeds of Change, I cannot fathom losing her.  I love this Earth, you see, and so many of her gifts.  In Her honor, I will be kind to Her today (and hopefully She thinks I always am).  In my non-confrontational manner, I will not rant and rave and be extreme in trying to convince all to change their light bulbs, turn off their lights, quickly close the refrigerator door (“Are you trying to cool the whole neighborhood?!”), recycle, recycle, recycle, walk more, drive less, bring your own bags to the store, eat locally and organically, plant a Zone 10 apple tree or two…  I will only ask that you admire Her beauty today, kiss the ground, hug a tree.

Look at this sweet gift I received when I stepped into my backyard this morning.  It’s Her day and I got the gift!  Two different morning glories, one pot, all started from seed.  (I’m always so amazed when I accomplish that!)


Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Earth laughs in flowers.”  It’s true.